A Hopeless Storm (A Hope Walker Mystery Book 10) Read online

  A Hopeless Storm

  A Hope Walker Mystery Book 10

  Daniel Carson

  Contents

  Newsletter

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Chapter 29

  Chapter 30

  A Note From Daniel Carson

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  Daniel Carson

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  Chapter 1

  I got up off my bed and ran back downstairs, past Granny, and out of the bar until I was on the sidewalk.

  Alex climbed out of his truck and walked toward me.

  “I wasn’t done telling you about what my dad said to me that day along the Salmon River. He squeezed my arm and he said, ‘Son, if you ever feel about a girl half as much as I felt for your mother, then you don’t wait or it will be the biggest mistake of your life.’ He died two weeks later. I think of those words as the wisdom of a dying man to his son, and I have never, ever forgotten them. I’m sorry, Hope. I’m sorry for messing all of this up from the beginning. I’m not perfect. Not by a mile. Obviously. But I promise you, I’m not this awkward and clumsy and . . .” He stopped. “Argghh . . . I can’t even find the right words now when it matters most.”

  “What words, Alex?”

  “Hope . . .” He took a deep breath. “Hope, you scare the crap out of me.”

  “What?”

  “I think you remember Special Agent Vargas.”

  “Special Agent Awesome. Yes, Alex. I remember her. Why exactly are we talking about her?”

  “I remember her telling you that we were pretty serious at one point.”

  “Yes, Alex, I too remember her telling me that.”

  “And we went out for quite a while.”

  “Seriously, Alex, get to the point.”

  “But I never, ever, ever, ever felt for her anything even remotely close to what I feel for you.”

  My heart stopped.

  “I felt this way almost from the very beginning. That day you whipped me shooting clay targets at Granny’s.”

  Now my heart went the other direction. Beating. Very, very quickly.

  “And the feeling overwhelmed me. You overwhelmed me. And I remembered the words of a dying man who loved his son. I froze. And not just once. Countless, countless times. It scared me. You scare me. So damned much.”

  “How could I scare you?”

  “Because I didn’t think—in fact, I still don’t think—that there’s a chance you feel the same way.”

  My heart was still pounding. “Then what changed? Why are you here right now, telling me all this?”

  “Because I figured you had the right to know what I want. What I really want.”

  “Which is?”

  “Well, I sure as hell don’t want a job in Denver. I just called the security firm and turned them down.”

  I lost my breath. “Why would you do that?”

  “Because, Hope. What I want—”

  “Yes, Alex?”

  “What I’ve always wanted is . . . you.”

  “Me?” I said, almost in disbelief.

  “Yes, Hope. You. But . . . before we go any further, I do have a fairly important question for you.”

  “Which is?”

  “I never did figure out Granny’s third rule of dinner.”

  That made me laugh and for a moment, relax. “And you need me to bail you out? Fine, Mr. Kramer, I’ll tell you. Granny’s third rule of dinner is simple. Never, ever . . . break her granddaughter’s heart.”

  Alex’s eyes twinkled. “I don’t think there’s any chance of that happening. Not ever.” Then he smiled, and all six foot two of this wonderful handsome man with the dangerous green eyes came toward me while my body tensed up in anticipation and my heart felt like it might explode.

  That’s when someone said my name.

  “Hello, Hope!”

  The voice was not Alex’s. It came from behind me. It was a woman’s voice, and there was something strange about it. I turned.

  The woman was fifteen feet away. She was about my height and wore a hooded sweatshirt and sunglasses. Which was strange because it was dark outside.

  Then the woman took off her hood and her sunglasses, and it wasn’t my heart that stopped. My whole world stopped.

  Because I knew who this woman was.

  I had only seen her in pictures from long ago.

  But every child knows.

  This was my mother.

  “Mom?” I said for the first time in my entire life, the tears already sliding down my cheeks.

  The woman smiled a sad smile. Then nodded her head.

  “Yes, Hope, it’s me.”

  I started to walk toward her, but she put her hand out defiantly. “No, Hope! It will just make this harder for both of us.”

  I stopped in my tracks, a lump forming in my throat. “I’ve been trying to find you. To figure out what happened to you.”

  “I know, honey. And that’s why I’m here. To tell you to stop.”

  I could feel Alex next to me now.

  “What are you talking about?” I said angrily.

  She shook her head. “Promise me you won’t tell your grandmother you saw me. It will break her heart.”

  “Mom! You’re here. You’re home. So . . . come home. That’s all Granny wants. That’s all any of us want.”

  She shook her head again. “It can’t be. It will never be the way you think or want it to be.”

  “I . . . I don’t understand.”

  “Keep the status quo. There was a reason why I had to leave. And that hasn’t changed.”

  “Nobody cares about that, Mom. I’m begging you.”

  Now she was crying. “I know, honey. And it breaks my heart. But all I’ve ever wanted is for you and Mom—” Her voice broke up. “Hope, I need you to know that I’m okay and I’ll be okay as long as you’re safe. And you will be safe as long as we keep things the way they are.”

  I went toward her again, but she threw her hand up once more. “No, Hope!” She said it with an intensity that caught me off guard. “You need to stop looking for me. You need to stop looking for the truth. And you need to stop trying to understand. Just know that I love you and am proud of you. I’m so proud of you. I read everything you’ve ever written. I feel like I know you.”

  “Mom, you can’t be serious. Just come home!”

  A car pulled up, and the passenger door swung open.

  “I love you, Hope. I always have and I always will. And if you love me and your grandmother, you’ll stop searching. If you love me, then this . . .” She stopped, the words hanging in the air. “This will have to be enough.”

  She stared at me, then placed her
hand over her heart. Then she ran to the car, jumped in, and the car raced off down Main Street.

  I ran into the street and watched the taillights grow faint, the tears streaming down my face. Alex was there again, and he put his arms around me. But I shook them off. I stared at him, but he didn’t have anything to say.

  What could he say?

  Then I noticed his keys in his hand. Without thinking, I snatched them away and sprinted to his truck. I climbed in, started it up, and peeled away while he ran alongside me, yelling at me helplessly. But I didn’t care. I was confused and I was hysterical and I was pissed. I’d waited my entire life to find my mother. To meet her. And for her to swoop in like that just to leave again minutes later?

  No way.

  Not today.

  This was ending now.

  I raced down Main Street out onto the highway. The car she was traveling in came into view. I honked on the horn to get her attention, hoping that if she saw me, she’d put an end to this madness and stop.

  But she didn’t.

  The car lurched forward, the driver accelerating quickly. We went past the spot where Jimmy and I had our accident. Past the Crofton cabin. I pushed the accelerator, but the car was faster. Much faster.

  I didn’t care.

  I would drive this damn thing until it ran out of gas.

  I wasn’t stopping. And no matter what my mom said, I wasn’t giving up.

  That’s when I heard the alarm bells. At first I didn’t know what they were, but they were accompanied by a familiar whistle. The train whistle. I looked to my right. A train was coming up ahead. The lights were flashing at the crossing.

  I pushed on the accelerator.

  The whistle blew loudly. The train kept coming. The car in front of me was nearing the crossing.

  The whistle blew even louder. The train was close. My mom’s car flew over the tracks, and the train was roaring now. Everyone says you can’t outrun a train. It never, ever works.

  But there was just one problem.

  I’m not very good at listening.

  Plus, I was a girl who needed her mother. I was an investigator who needed the truth.

  And this might be my only chance.

  And so, with the train roaring and the whistle blaring and the lights blinding, I did exactly what you’d expect Hope Walker, the only grandchild of her granny, to do.

  I hit the accelerator, drove as fast as I possibly could, and hoped to God this wasn’t going to hurt.

  The truck lurched ahead violently. The road became uneven and bumpy. The train was close. Way too close. I closed my eyes as I pushed my foot all the way to the floor. The truck hit the pavement in front of the train tracks and went airborne. I opened my eyes and turned—the train was coming right for me. I screamed. The train screamed. And then the truck kept going and the train passed behind me. The truck landed hard on the pavement, then rocked on one side. I jerked the wheel, trying to bring it back.

  But I overcorrected.

  The truck was out of control now, the back end fishtailing behind me. Before I knew it, I was off the highway, crashing into the ditch. The air bags exploded and punched me right in the face, knocking my head against the seat behind me. I sat there totally stunned until I realized that the truck had stopped moving. I felt my face. Near as I could tell, there was no blood. I pushed the remnants of the air bag away, then felt around for my seat belt and unclicked it.

  I pushed the door open and stumbled out. I didn’t even look at the truck as I climbed out of the ditch. The train, a long one, was still passing by, the roar suddenly causing my head to scream with pain. I turned away and instead looked down the highway. It was darkness. Total darkness. Not even the faintest trace of a taillight.

  My mom, gone for all of my life, had appeared for little more than a breath. And not to see me. Not to be with me, but rather, to warn me away. And then as quickly as she’d appeared, she was gone. As I looked down that dark and lonely highway, I couldn’t help but think, this time she was gone for good.

  Chapter 2

  A week later

  I was staring numbly at the wall in front of me when someone knocked on my door. “Come in,” I said with what little enthusiasm I could muster.

  “Hey, Hope,” Alex said as he came in, a familiar smell coming with him. “I brought you food from the Taco House.”

  “Put it on the counter,” I said, my eyes still fixed on the wall.

  “I also brought you some company.”

  “Hey, Hope. It’s me, Katie. You know, your best friend for life. That Katie.”

  “Hello, best-friend-for-life Katie,” I said robotically. The reason for my not moving was two-fold. For one, I just didn’t feel like it. For another, my little joy ride in Alex’s truck had left me sore in places I didn’t even know I had places.

  Alex and Katie whispered something to each other, then walked around the love seat that had become my semi-permanent home over the last week and stood right in front of my wall. I glared at them both. Alex shot Katie a look that suggested he would rather run toward a mother bear than to make any sort of sudden move my way. Katie made a gesture as if to say she had this under control.

  “Whatcha doin’, Hope?” Katie asked as she bent down to my eye level.

  “You mean before you interrupted me?”

  “Yes, Hope, before that.”

  “I was thinking.”

  “About what?”

  About what? My mom left me when I was a baby. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, she shows up on Main Street to see me. But only for the purpose of telling me that she would never, ever see me again. I might be tough, but I wasn’t “have your heart ripped out of your chest by your long-lost mom and just walk it off” kind of tough.

  “About the only thing I’ve been able to think about for the last week, Katie.”

  “Right. And do you have any timetable for how long you’ll continue to do this thinking thing?”

  “Does it matter?”

  “It might.”

  “Why?”

  “For starters, Granny keeps asking me what the hell is wrong with you. I don’t know how much longer she’ll believe the ‘Hope’s got a super-bad period’ story. It might have worked when we wanted to play hooky back in high school, but you keep yourself glued to that sofa for another year and I think she might get suspicious.”

  “It’s a love seat.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You called it a sofa. It’s a love seat, and I think it deserves your respect.”

  “Right. Listen, Hope, maybe it would be better if you got off the love seat and were honest with Granny. Tell her exactly what you’ve been thinking about.”

  “No!” I snapped, and Katie lurched backwards as if I was a snake that had tried to strike her.

  “She can’t know that my mom was here. Nobody but the two of you can know.”

  Katie and Alex sent each other another glance. It was clear from the eye communication that Alex was now gonna try to be brave.

  “Hope, Katie and I . . . well, we care about you. And we know you’re hurting. And we just want to . . .”

  “Help me?”

  He looked at me with kindness. Both he and Katie did. And I knew they were only trying to help. Of course I knew that. But that wasn’t the problem.

  “Yes,” he said.

  “Alex is right,” Katie said. “All we want to do is help you in any way we can.”

  “I know,” I said, the words coming out like a sigh. “But . . .” My voice trailed off.

  “But what?” Katie asked.

  The truth was, I didn’t really think they could help me. I wasn’t angry. Not disappointed. Not even sad. At least, not in the conventional way. I’d shed no tears since the night that I’d seen and then lost my mom, this time almost certainly for good. No, what I was feeling was different. It was a numbing feeling that went from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. An emptiness that I had only felt one other time in my life.

 
After Jimmy had died.

  That had taken me years to get over. So many years. And without throwing myself into my work as an investigative reporter in Portland, I’m not sure I ever would have gotten over that feeling.

  And here before me were my very best friend in the whole world and the man of my dreams. A man I now knew for certain was crazy for me. But because of my mom’s shenanigans, a man I still hadn’t kissed.

  But I didn’t want their help.

  I didn’t want their company.

  I only wanted one thing. Okay, maybe two things. Ben & Jerry’s didn’t sound too bad right about now. But in addition to some Chunky Monkey, I wanted only one other thing.

  “I just . . .”

  “Yes?” Katie asked.

  I shook my head. “I just want to be alone.”

  “Hope,” Alex said. He took a step toward me, but Katie stopped him. She looked at him and shook her head as if to say this wasn’t the time. At least, not yet. Alex gave me a sad smile, then Katie bent over and kissed me on the forehead. They walked back around the love seat and left my apartment. And I went back to staring at my wall and feeling nothing.

  I spent the rest of the afternoon ignoring Earl Denton’s urgent phone calls about that week’s edition of the newspaper. The one I was supposed to finish and send to him. The one I was responsible for, seeing as I was the owner and editor-in-chief and the paper’s only reporter. Instead, I watched some obscure show called Judge Doogy where people had their small claims court matters settled by a celebrity judge. The twist was—and I’m not even kidding—Judge Doogy was actually a dog. A golden retriever, to be exact. And he wore a black robe. Judge Doogy’s lack of an opposable thumb made grabbing a gavel impossible, but there was a dog interpreter/bailiff next to him who would translate Judge Doogy’s instructions and decisions to the interested parties. It was oddly satisfying to watch, and I was on the third fascinating episode in a row when the door to my apartment flew open. At first I assumed it was Granny, who had probably come to harass me about my “period” and tell me to get out of the apartment and be productive and stop wasting my life away. So I kept my eyes fixed on the delightful Judge Doogy.